I have had the most stressful three and half weeks! I did not know it was possible to feel this busy, stressed, and overwhelmed all at the same time. The best way I can describe it is that there is a wave about to crash over me and I just keep pushing it back a few more inches, so it continues to grow!
Anyone who knows me even a little knows that I LOVE to be busy and overly involved. If I am not responsible for at least a hundred things at once, I feel empty. However since getting back to school I have joined two new organizations, started working, and am taking 15 hours two of which are upper division government. To give you a sense of my workload, the first week of classes I had over 300 pages of reading to do.
A loud voice inside of me keeps saying “just give up, crawl into bed and wait for everything to go away” and I find myself wanting to crawl into bed more and more with each new day. As much as I try to chip away at the mountain of work, reading, and studying that is staring me in the face I just cannot seem to make a dent.
At this point, if you have made it this far through my kvetching, you are probably thinking why in the world did I title this post What’s the Point. Or maybe you aren’t but either way I am going to tell you, because I have a good reason, I promise! The title serves as a reminder to me of the POINT or better yet OVERALL GOAL of all this craziness. Rather than feeling like I am drowning I need to look at all the life experience I am getting and how much great learning I have done the past few weeks.
I once saw the quote “No one remembers the nights they went to bed early.” When I first read this quote I legitimately laughed out loud, because I am someone who greatly values her sleep and was very obviously not portraying this quote in any way. Even in college I was getting between 8 and 10 hours of sleep most nights. Man a lot has changed this year. I have started going to bed later and waking up earlier averaging between 5 and 7 hours a night. Although it was completely unintentional, I have started living my life by this quote.
As I am writing this I am actually starting to smile, because I am just now coming to the realization that these past three weeks of craziness have also been some of the most memorable weeks of my college career (just like the quote promises). On multiple occasions I have stayed up way to late talking to my friends and then woken up at 7am the following morning, I have said things that took more courage than I knew I had, I have stepped outside of my Jewish bubble, I have cooked dinner for myself for the first time ever, and I survived the attack of the cockroaches in my new apartment.
The other day my roommate randomly said “in less than 10 years we are going to be 30!!!” After a few minutes of yelling in a frenzy about this crazy realization, we both looked at each other and laughed. It is unbelievable how fast life creeps up on you. In ten years, when I am thinking back on my time in college, I am probably going to laugh at some of the silly things I did, but I am also going to be thankful for all the experiences I had and for the wisdom I gained by keeping myself crazy busy in college.
They say that college is the best time of your life, I don’t know if I agree seeing as how most of my life has been pretty great so far, but I know that I do not want to look back wishing I had slept less and experienced more. So from here on out I am going to embrace the wave, the mountain, and all the work ahead of me, because there will be time to sleep after I die but for now I want nothing more than to be FULLY ALIVE!
Been feeling as flustered as that time I was in Israel and a man put three hats on my head in order to tell a story!
P.S. Cross my heart and hope to die, when I started writing this post ten minutes ago I was ready to crawl into bed and call it a night, but I now feel a new sense of motivation and determination to push through. It is amazing what a little writing can do for the mind!