What is a mature decision anyways? I mean I know plenty of mature adults who make stupid decisions all the time. It is actually mind blowing to start to think about how many decisions we are forced to make everyday. From what to eat for breakfast, to whether or not to pack the phone charger, to how much time to devote to our studies every single thing we do or don’t do throughout the day is a decision.
I started thinking about my everyday decisions a lot more once I started college. Before the start of our freshman year, my best friend and I stayed up late many nights discussing our future and college. We were so excited to begin shaping our futures. We talked about the fact that college meant growing up and taking charge of our lives. We no longer had to spend our time on the silly insignificant things because we were going to college. This was our chance to shape ourselves into who we wanted to be.
Once college began and we were separated by a three hour drive, with me at UT and Jordan at UH, I called her many times in a panic. I was beginning to realize the full weight of every decision I made. I felt as though every decision I was making could be life changing, a tad dramatic I know, but I was deciding to change my major. My entire life had been about dance. Everybody knew that I was going to school for dance and would one day open my own studio. But less than a semester in, I had to have ankle surgery and my whole world started spinning into chaos. I was considering other majors, so you might be able to understand why, as mentioned above, I felt as though every decision I was making could be life changing.
I try not to be a dramatic person, channeling my fathers calm thoughtfulness, but this is often for naught. Usually after my initial panic I am able to relax a bit and make some sort of list (pro/con is my go to choice). After this I talk to just about everyone to get their opinion and then finally make my decision. Whether or not this whole process leads me in the right direction is yet to be discovered, but it usually makes me feel better and that has to count for something right?
I have realized that there is really no such things as the mature/adult decision. There is only MY decision. Sometimes I like the outcome and sometimes I don’t, but no matter what I always have to live with the consequences.
Thinking back on those talks I realize how naive Jordan and I were about college and what it would mean for our lives. However, I also look back on those conversations and realize the importance of them in regards to my life now. I still waste time on trivial things and get caught up in the everyday silliness, but those conversations over two years ago now remind me that sometimes making the hard decision is the right decision. And I am thankful for the strong support system I have that will be there for me through every decision.